BEST PICTURE MANIA

a girl with a Substack... how groundbreaking...

Two things about me:

1.) I don’t believe in ranking art. It’s a fruitless endeavor that rarely leads to productive conversations about the content of / intention behind something.

2.) The only thing stronger than my hatred for ranking art is my love for forming opinions on things that happened one, two, fifty, sixty, and even seventy years ago. I love to get a riff in. I love to get heated about inconsequential shit. I love to talk about stuff and have everybody within a 25-mile radius silently begging for me to shut the fuck up. It’s what keeps me going. It’s what randomly got me invited to SNL 50. 

Which brings us here. The other day, I finished watching Saw II (2005), and it dawned on me that I was only 10% of the way through the franchise. I have 8 more Saw films to get through. EIGHT films! That’s at least 16 hours of my life. Just for SAW!!!

And then I remembered all the GOOD films I haven’t seen — Yi Yi??? Come and See??? A Woman Under The Influence??? The GODFATHER??? All the sequels to The Godfather that were also nominated for best picture (more on this later)??? 

Please don’t yell at me (a newly-crowned GERD patient) for never having seen these… I’m working on it… I’ve seen Beau Travail…

Long story short, I need to catch up, and I need to catch up FAST. So I’ve decided to go year by year, 1929 - present, and rank every group of Best Picture nominees that has ever existed. This might turn into a podcast or video series. It will definitely turn into a series of annoying Tweets. I’m figuring it out as I go. Godspeed to anybody who wants to join me on the journey. 

I’m still ruminating on which year I want to start with. A few people suggested 1999, the year of my birth, which I think could be a fun, chic, subtle reminder of how young and beautiful I am. A few others suggested 2010, which I think I want to save for later as a palate cleanser for some real stinkers (realizing that I’ll have to watch Bohemian Rhapsody again has broken my spirit). I’m still open to suggestions, so feel free to bombard me in the comments and mentions and DMs. 

In the meantime, here’s my 2024/2025 Best Picture ranking, which changes by the minute. I’m not a critic, and these are just some of my surface-level thoughts. I’m nothing but a little twerp who hasn’t made any films (yet). I genuinely think that every movie is a miracle, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I just like to talk. It’s fun! Love and light to all!

10.) Emilia Perez

 Lol. There’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said… Why are the songs whispered? Can the songs be considered songs? Why do they ditch the campy vibe that’s established in the first 20 minutes? Why are they in Tel Aviv? Why does Selena Gomez film some of her song on the front camera of her iPhone?

The thing that gets me about this movie is that Zoe Saldana is genuinely really good in it. We need to get her an Oppenheimer so she can have the Cillian Murphy arc she deserves. 

At the end of the day, I’m just really excited for Karla Sofia Gascon to make an appearance at the Oscars. I want a camera on her the entire time. I love mess!

9.) Wicked

Wicked perplexes me. I completely missed out on this cultural moment as a kid, and I can’t say that I fully understand  why it blew up the way it did. There are, generously, three good songs in this show. The entire plot is like yeah sure. Yeah I guess Peter Dinklage can play a goat. I guess that’s not illegal. I don’t love it but it’s certainly happening in front of my eyes. 

I will say — the performances in this blew me away. Cynthia Erivo gave me chills every time she opened her mouth, and Ariana Grande BUTERA proved that she’s ready to lead a series of screwball comedies. Let’s get Ari and Sabrina Carpenter in the same room. We need to keep the community of short and multi talented women employed.

I had fun with this, but it felt longer than The Brutalist (more on this later).

8.) A Complete Unknown

It’s truly disgusting to me that Monica Barbaro hasn’t been sweeping everything this awards season. To me, this was her movie. She just… learned to sing… and then sung… and it sounded like that… also she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life… 

Something I loved about this movie: learning that Bob Dylan was lowkey a piece of shit!

Something I didn’t love about this movie: it felt like 2.5 hours of guys with guitars introducing themselves to each other in folksy accents. I’m on the record as being a huge fan of groups of men fighting with each other (Oppenheimer, Conclave [more on this later], Love Island UK seasons 3 and 5), but this was simply too many guys. And none of them served a memorably cunty line. Tragic.

I probably would’ve enjoyed this film more if I had a stronger personal relationship with Dylan’s music. But I didn’t and I don’t. I’ve never felt more neutral about a movie in my life. 

Timmy was great, though! Congrats to him for pulling the whole thing off. He seems chill as hell and I kinda hope he wins tonight.

7.) Conclave

Best performance by an e-cigarette in a major motion picture!

Ultimately, I think the big reveal at the end of the film felt pretty unearned, and I would’ve loved to have seen the themes of gender and sexuality explored beyond the small bits we got from Isabella Rosselini.  But I did have fun watching divas queen out and go at each other’s throats Oppenheimer and/or Housewives-style. 

The direction and set design were genuinely breathtaking, and Isabella Rossellini is really good at standing in frame and scowling at people. 

6.) The Brutalist 

I wrote a Letterboxd review about how I don’t think this movie is Zionist and everybody yelled at me so then I edited the review and elaborated and then more people yelled at me. I love to be online!

I love independent film, and I think Brady Corbet made something really special here. It’s big and beautiful and ambitious, and I’m glad it’s being recognized as the triumph that it is. Creating a film of this scale in 33 days with a $9.6 million budget deserves PRAISE!!!

But something about the [spoiler alert and content warning all rolled into one] rape scene/storyline completely baffled me. And Felicity Jones confronting the Van Buren family at dinner? It was just like… You really just spent 3 hours building toward… this? This is how you want the drama and tension to culminate? It felt cheap and on-the-nose in a way that pisses me off more every time I think about it. I keep having to close my eyes and visualize the upside-down Statue of Liberty to calm down. 

Anyway, I liked the sad hand jobs and I loved when Joe Alwyn started running around looking for his dad and kinda turned into Daniel Plainview yelling about abandoning his child. And the runtime flew by! Good movie.

5.) Anora

Once again… I love independent film… I love Sean Baker’s movies… if I were lying on my deathbed with severe dementia I’d still find it in me to whisper “they shot Tangerine on an iPhone” to the nurses… 

I will say: this is not my favorite Baker film. As a Florida Project and Red Rocket die-hard, I expected to love Anora deeply and immediately. I ended up liking it more on second viewing, and I think it necessitates two watches in a way that Baker’s other films do not. The pacing felt less stilted the second time around, and I was able to observe and appreciate subtleties (i.e. Igor) that I hadn’t noticed on my first go..

That said: this story toes the line between hilarious and heartbreaking in a way that Baker has absolutely mastered. Mikey Madison is electric. The whole thing is visually stunning and the ensemble was perfectly cast. Plus, the ending REALLY worked for me. Just completely knocked the air out of my lungs. Probably why it edged The Brutalist out of my #5 spot. A lot of people online hated the ending and/or thought that Ani lacked interiority, but I am not one of those people! xoxo

And again… all this in 37 days on a $6 million budget… that’s crazy… hell yeah… 

4.) Dune 2

There could be a hundred bald men in a room!

A movie full of movie stars operating at their absolute best… Austin… Timothée

 Florence… Zendaya… a Skarsgard… Lea Seydoux for 90 seconds… 

Just big and beautiful and fucking awesome to watch in a theater. The kind of movie that makes you say hell yeah I fucking love movies. I’m jealous of kids who got to watch this movie in a theater at a formative age and will carry the memory of that experience for the rest of their lives. 

Re: Denis not receiving a Best Director nod for this film… I think he should be allowed to recreate the Will Smith slap on Jacques Audiard. A little French-on-French crime would be fun. 

3.) The Substance

Before you yell at me — I know that this movie’s analysis of gender and womanhood is incredibly… French. But American filmmakers are severely lacking in the GOO department. And Coralie Fargeat did what needed to be done! 

My opinion on this one really boils down to “What happened to FUN???” Dennis Quaid chewing shrimp is awesome. The Shining-esque hallways and sterile bathroom tile are seared into my brain. I wanna know what the girl living behind my spine would look like. I know for sure that she wouldn’t respect the balance. I need to tussle with her!!!!!!

Overall, it was such a joy to watch Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley really going for it, and it’s fucking awesome to see a body horror nominated for best picture. I’ve long maintained that horror is the most compelling genre through which to explore our fears and anxieties about being alive (shoutout to The Babadook.. The Brood… Possession… Eyes Without A Face… Hereditary… I could go on…), and it’s nice to see The Academy recognizing that fact with this nomination. This one’s for the sickos! 

2.) I’m Still Here

The moment I saw that cute little dog I was like oh god. Oh fuck. They’re gonna fucking do it. And then [SPOILER ALERT] they did it. And I’M STILL PISSED!

I went into this film completely blind, and I’d highly recommend doing the same if you’re able. Watching the Paiva family’s story unfold so tragically had me on the edge of my seat in a way I hadn’t been in a long time. And, as somebody who is on the record as being obsessed with my mom, watching a film about a mother who goes to the ends of the earth to protect and console her family just really, really broke and moved me. Fernanda Torres is a powerhouse! I love ACTRESSES!

Also worth noting: I adored the look of the Super-16 and 35mm! So beautiful!!!!!! I wanted to EAT IT!!!!!

P.S. I’d like to thank the Brazilian people for embracing me so warmly after I Tweeted positive things about this movie… 2025 will forever be remembered as the year that I achieved my years-long goal of being “come to Brazil”-ed 

1.) Nickel Boys 

RaMell Ross and Jomo Fray… come to Brazil… 

I read this book a few years ago, and I had no idea how they’d be able to visually pull off the [big huge massive fat spoiler alert] “Elwood is actually Turner” of it all. Movies are famously visual… and characters famously have distinct faces…

And then I felt like a damn FOOL when RaMell Ross just waltzed right in there with his POV camera technique. A genius! A real, true genius! 

I think everything about this film --- from the casting, to the first-person POV, to the use of archival imagery from the Dozier School For Boys --- worked perfectly and packed a nauseating gut punch. It is, pound-for-pound, one of the most impressive films I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching. The way Ross creates a visual language and plays with form is such a revelation, and this film sparked a feeling within me similar to what Zone of Interest’s sound design and Oppenheimer’s practical effects evoked last year. 

It also reminded me of something Christopher Nolan said on stage during his Best Director acceptance speech: 

Movies are just a little bit over 100 years old. Imagine being there a hundred years into painting or theater. We don’t know where this incredible journey is going from here.

Nickel Boys is such a stunning reminder of that sentiment. We’re gonna live to see so much more innovation in the medium!!! How fucking exciting!!!

In sum: This is the best picture of the year. It’s a disgrace that RaMell Ross wasn’t nominated for Best Director. I hope he continues to make narrative features for a long time.

I love movies <3 yay <3 Happy Oscars <3